2020.

2020 is here, so naturally I’ve spent some time in the past few weeks trying to figure out if 2019 is worth celebrating. Did I accomplish anything great? Did I reach any personal milestone? Did I get the multiple wins I was aiming for? My immediate answer is no. Yet, as I spend more time digging and challenging my waning optimism I am slowly coming up with a list of YESSES!

First off, I got my brain back. Yes, you read that right. This thing called a mommy brain –which I hate saying btw– is real. During pregnancy and postpartum, some of my brain cells started dying off to the extent that holding and processing routine information became quite difficult. I really struggled ya’ll. I’d lose my train of thought mid-sentence, I missed appointments, I felt tired all the time, I had a hard time managing my daily load at home and at work. Things I’d easily retain in my brain with no trouble in the past would require mental gymnastics. While I wouldn’t say that my brain is back at full capacity I’ve come up with ways to get through the day with minimal frustration and the approach is quite simple: take notes. I write down any and everything I want to do, I plan to do and wish I could do. I write down my personal appointments and all my work meetings. If it ain’t written it ain’t gonna happen or I ain’t showing up for it. I keep notes in my phone, in my email, I use a calendar app, I have the post-it app at work, and I have multiple note books. It’s maddening but extremely helpful. You’re welcome.

Second, I managed to set weekly play dates for my little munchkin. It may seem like a small feat but let me ya’ll, in between naps and feedings (and other random baby-related tasks) it can be difficult to establish a common time for 3 little friends to meet and play with full bellies and rested minds. Leave time alone, finding a place that can accommodate strollers, diaper changes, screaming kids, etc isn’t easy.

Three, I built a support network. This one was done more informally but it took a lot of effort and of being intentional. There were plenty moments of vulnerability, tears, whining and admitting that adulting sucks and is difficult, lonely and isolating. But once all those feelings were released, the ground was laid for a solid group of women who pledged to keep it real and come through for each other, to celebrate each other even when it feels like life could not get any worse. One of my highlights in 2019 is 2 of my BFFS surprising Armand and I with a birthday cake for Arlo’s first birthday. I cried. Such a simple gesture but the sweetness and thoughtfulness behind it was incredible.

Four, I read books. While I probably only read 50% of my book club’s reading list, I read other books on the side bringing my monthly average to one per month. Yay to upping my reading average!!! From my 2019 reading list, I recommend: Becoming by Michelle Obama and Stay With Me by Ayobami Adebayo. They are both excellent, the first one is a ball of inspiration and the second is a tragic story. Some lighter and quick reads that I also enjoyed in 2019 are Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine by Gail Honeyman and Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng.

Somewhere in the midst of the madness I started my blog and its name changed 3x in 1 month *head drop*. Though my entries have been irregular, I did it and I intend to continue. Cheer me on ya’ll!

Finally, I showed up and faced myself daily. Even when the going got rough, I stayed in the ring with my boxing gloves on. OK, I removed them once or twice but I got them back on and resumed the fight. I probably talked some people’s ears out more than they were willing to hear -send me the therapy bill, you know who you are;-). I continued to struggle with my identity and trying to answer who I am called to be in this world more times than I can count. Sorry folks, I still haven’t figured out the meaning of life but I am on the relentless quest to find it.

So. Now that we got 2019 out of the way, hello 2020!!! We’re ready for you, heyyyy! I’m not about to expose myself by sharing my 2020 goal list but let me share one of the things a couple friends and I are doing to help us eternalize the goodness that will be 2020 (see IG post shared below). Yes, name it and claim it! Btw, you too, can help me make 2020 memorable by reminding me of today’s incredible display of optimism.

What’s 2020 looking like for you? Do you have any goals set for the year? Book recommendations, realistic tips, life hacks and nuggets of wisdom about motherhood are always appreciated. Till next time…

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